trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
