During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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