You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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