I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
