grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i've created a new STD.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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