does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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