I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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