Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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