i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
