I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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