Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
