Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
