You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
