Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
