I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
