Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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