did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
