I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
