did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize