From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
