We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
