but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
