i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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