You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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