she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
