I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
