the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
