Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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