That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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