I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
