I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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