my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
