he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize