it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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