i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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