i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
