Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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