okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
