a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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