Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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