We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
