sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did I show you my penis last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
