I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
