Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
