Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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