How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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