I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
