I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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