I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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