Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Everything about him screamed your future.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
