i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
