Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
