sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
