Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
