i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
