woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
