I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
