there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
