He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
