the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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