And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
