i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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