saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
