Whod you bang
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
