But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize