how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
