Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
