i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think people are normalizing furries
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