i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
