Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
