I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
