Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
