he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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